How to Have More Intimacy, Orgasmic Sex, A Stronger Libido, and Better Communication with Your Partner – Episode 35

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Ready to put serious sizzle back in your relationship? Today, we’re talking about your libido, we’re talking about sex drive, and we’re talking about how to have fulfilling lovemaking with your mate because it is vitally important. Learn the difference between testosterone driven and estrogen driven approaches to intimacy. Listen in as Susan teaches us how caring for and nurturing the sexuality, that is your divine right as a human being on this planet, leads to the intimacy and connection that we all deserve to have.

Susan is a champion and advocate for all who desire passionate relationships. Considered the Dear Abby of sex, Susan’s fresh approach and original ideas have helped millions of people of all ages and across the gender, spectrum transform sex into passion. Married to her husband, Tim, since 1993, Susan is an author, award-winning speaker, and serial entrepreneur, who teaches passionate lovemaking techniques to her fans around the world.

 

Susan has been featured in the New York Times and on CNBC and The Today Show, as well as appearing on ABC, CBS, The CW, Fox, and on NBC as the Marriage Magician. Susan is the Chair Emeritus of The AdTech Conference. She was both CMO and a member of the board of directors for an Anthony Robbins tech startup, as well as serving on numerous boards throughout her career.

 

In 2009, Susan was honored as a Silicon Valley Woman of Influence by the Business Journal, and as a top 10 internet pioneer by Ad Age Magazine. In 2010, was bestowed the Lifetime Industry Achievement Award by DMG World Media.

 

Susan talks about, after 25 years of marriage, “I know from experience that deep passionate intimacy with my partner is priceless, a priority that tops my list of must-haves, alongside good health and the love of family and friends. I have made it my mission to aide anyone who wants the kind of lovemaking that improves with age.”

 

* * *

 

Why Are People Afraid to Talk About Sex?

  • We don’t really get a sex education, we get a procreation education, or a “How to not procreate” education.
  • Abuse
  • Adult programming is so prevalent now, that people are getting “their technique” from adult programming, which is complete fantasy, primarily degrading to women.
  • Embarrassment
  • Shame
  • Religion

 

Why Don’t Our Parents Talk to Us About Sex?

They don’t know.

When they try to talk to us, we roll our eyes and like “Oh god, I don’t want to talk to you about this!”

 

Fundamental Thing About Libido

Men are testosterone-driven, and women are estrogen-driven, and they make us wildly different in good ways and in ways that confound each other. So, we come to our connection from different perspectives.

 

“Revive Her Drive”

Men ‘do’ to women what they want her to do to them because that’s what they know. Once you teach a man how to approach a woman the way estrogen needs to be approached, then all of a sudden, everything breaks open for the two of them.

 

Role Reversals

There are people at this end and this end that are the minorities, but the general majority is heterosexual, monogamous, masculine/feminine, but there are people where there are reversals. And it doesn’t matter if it works for both people if there’s what is called polarity.

 

Polarity

The masculine/feminine magnetic attraction of opposites.

 

Getting Over Your Mental Block Surrounding Sex

Education is number one.

 

The Soulmate Embrace Technique

  • Instead of trying to go from 0 to 100 miles an hour in your intimacy, start with the real foundations, like resetting your polarity.
  • Why not just start by holding each other again? Holding and being held sets that polarity in.
  • For the masculine, his job is to help the feminine get out of her mind and into her body. Our bodies are a temple, they are sacred. We can have sacred sexuality if we can connect at that level of intimacy, pleasure, limbic connections, soul connection, looking in each other’s eyes, syncopating our heartbeats, slowing our breath.
  • “Setting the Lover’s Space,” having water, some strawberries and grapes, organic lube.
    • Put in place all these little things, and hold her, and stroke her, and calm her down.
    • Arousal and pleasure are actually the toggling of the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system.
    • Testosterone is “Full speed ahead!” But estrogen is like “Doodily-do, doodily-do, do, do.”
    • Slowing down does so many things.
      • It’s the touch of oxytocin.
      • It’s the engorgement of our genitals.
      • It’s the reconnection with each other.
      • It’s the polarity that gets set in.
    • Women need full body touching and stroking, they need their entire proprioceptive grid of cells really smoothed and touched and loved.

 

The Sexual Soulmate Pact

  • “Okay, how about if we have this agreement where every time we’re intimate, I’ll tell you all the things my body is telling me she needs, so I can clue you in so you can be a winner in the bedroom with me.”
  • Men are ruled by their hormones the same as we women are.
  • When she blurts out any course corrections, and you can go both ways with this, of course, but this is very masculine/feminine, when she blurts out “Go harder,” “Go slower,” “Oh, you’re on my hair,” whatever she’s needing to say, and the only thing he does to respond is, “Okay, baby,” or “Got it,” or “Is this better?” or “Thank you.”

 

Sex Drive and Libido

You need good hormones to have a libido, but that’s only a small amount of it. And it’s all of these touch techniques, and calming your nervous system, and feeling safe, and your other areas of your relationship being met and supported, that are also a big part of your sex drive, what makes you want to be with a person. That’s beyond libido, that’s actually your interest in sex, not just the fact that you feel like having sex, but that you actually take action and want sex.

 

How Females Can Approach This with Their Partners

When you download my e-book, and you print it out, or you send the PDF to your husband or boyfriend, or you go out on date night and you read it together, or you read it in the car together, or you read it over dinner together, or whatever it is, or you leave it under his pillow, whatever you need to do, have him read it so he gets it and follows it, and say, “Could we make this pact? Could we have this pact in our bedroom? Let’s try it.”

 

What Makes A Strong Libido?

  • Hormones
  • Creativity
  • Vitality
  • General Health
    • Supplements
    • Botanicals
      • Ashwaganda
      • Maca
      • Cacao
      • E-Plexx/T-Plexx
      • Nitrates
        • Citrulline/citrulline malleate
        • Arugula
        • Dill
        • Cabbage
        • Beets
      • Set a little intention that you’re caring for and nurturing for the sexuality that is your divine right as a human being on this planet, to have the intimacy and connection that we all deserve to have.
      • Blood Flow

 

What Decreases Libido?

  • Outside Forces
    • Repression
    • Shaming
    • Lack of Knowledge
    • Ignorance
    • Fear
  • Aging (genital atrophy)

 

A Man’s Semen Is Very Healthy for A Woman

  • It has luteinizing hormone; it regulates her cycle.
  • He gives her serotonin.
  • He gives her testosterone, which gives her more courage and lowers her anxiety.
  • He gives her zinc and other minerals that help her clear brain fog.

 

Deeper Dive Resources

 

“Revive Her Drive”

http://www.reviveherdriveprogram.org/

 

The Soulmate Embrace

https://personallifemedia.com/soulmate-embrace/

 

The Sexual Soulmate Pact

https://personallifemedia.com/sexual-soulmate-pact/

 

Susan’s Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/susanbratton/

 

Susan’s YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/c/BetterLover

 

Ashwaganda

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Withania_somnifera

 

Maca

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lepidium_meyenii

 

Cacao

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theobroma_cacao

 

Citrulline

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citrulline

 

Organixx Supplements

https://shop.organixx.com/search?q=sexual+health

 

Organixx Articles on Libido

http://oxprod.organixx.com/?s=libido

Jonathan Hunsaker: Welcome, everyone, to another episode of Empowering You Organically. I’m your host, Jonathan Hunsaker, joined by my co-host, TeriAnn Trevenen.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Hey, everyone.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: We have a very special guest today, Susan Bratton. Susan, thank you for joining us.

 

Susan Bratton: Oh, it’s gorgeous to be here in beautiful Texas. Argyle, Texas. Love it. It reminded me of my trip to Fair Hope, Alabama that I went to recently. Beautiful rolling hills, gorgeous wildflowers in all the fields, beautiful horses everywhere, your trees are magnificent, ponds, little baby cows. It is idyllic out here.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Yes, it’s so beautiful.

 

Susan Bratton: You made my day, inviting me here.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Oh, thank you for being here.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: Thanks for coming. We have a very exciting podcast today. It’s a subject that we have—

 

Susan Bratton: Hopefully.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: Yeah, it’s a subject we have—we don’t talk about much, but it’s extremely important. If we’re talking about your overall health, right, we need to talk about every part of your overall health. And today, we’re going to be talking about your libido, we’re going to be talking about sex drive, different things like that, because it is vitally important. Before we get into that, though, TeriAnn, will you give us a quick bio on Susan?

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Yes. Susan is a champion and advocate for all who desire passionate relationships. Considered the Dear Abby of sex, Susan’s fresh approach and original ideas have helped millions of people of all ages and across the gender spectrum transform sex into passion. Married to her husband, Tim, since 1993, Susan is an author, award-winning speaker, and serial entrepreneur, who teaches passionate lovemaking techniques to her fans around the world.

 

Susan has been featured in the New York Times and on CNBC and The Today Show, as well as appearing on ABC, CBS, The CW, Fox, and on NBC as the Marriage Magician. Susan is the Chair Emeritus of The AdTech Conference. She was both CMO and a member of the board of directors for an Anthony Robbins tech startup, as well as serving on numerous boards throughout her career.

 

In 2009, Susan was honored as a Silicon Valley Woman of Influence by the Business Journal, and as a top 10 internet pioneer by Ad Age Magazine. In 2010, was bestowed the Lifetime Industry Achievement Award by DMG World Media.

 

Susan talks about, after 25 years of marriage, “I know from experience that deep passionate intimacy with my partner is priceless, a priority that tops my list of must-haves, alongside good health and the love of family and friends. I have made it my mission to aide anyone who wants the kind of lovemaking that improves with age.”

 

So, let’s go to that point. Talk about that. Because that’s really how you got to where you are right now and how you came into this mission of helping people with understanding more about this as we age. So, let’s talk about that.

 

Susan Bratton: Okay. Yeah, my libido fell off a cliff about 10 years into our marriage. I think it was actually our 11thwedding anniversary. Now Tim and I have been together 27 years.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Good for you.

 

Susan Bratton: And we got our sex life back on track. And that was really the catalyst for starting our company together, Personal Life Media, because we, after a decade of being married, the—we were platonic friends, we were raising our family together, but we had lost our way intimately with each other.

 

And so, we thought, “Gosh, like we could get divorced,” like all our friends were doing, and we could tell it was either money issues or intimacy issues, and usually, those two are so intertwined. You don’t want to be passionate with someone if they’re not meeting your financial or security needs. They kind of go hand in hand, especially for women.

 

And so, what we decided to do was not trade in and try again, just to get the new relationship energy with someone new, because we realized, “Oh,” we actually looked ahead and saw how our friends were getting serial divorces. They were trading in for younger and younger wives, every couple years, when the wives were no longer interested in being intimate with them.

 

We said “Why does this happen? And how can we reverse it for ourselves?” And so, we started out reading Amazon books, we started going to marriage counseling, we did—and then we added in things like taking tantric lovemaking workshops. We worked with Tony, as you mentioned in reading my bio. I’ve done a startup with Anthony Robbins.

 

And through all of that journey, all of that personal work, we came back to our desire for each other. And I have to say that my husband had never lost his desire for me, but I had lost my desire for him. And there’s no reason for it. He was a beaut—he is and will always be a beautiful man to me. But it’s what happens in monogamous relationships in bedrooms all over the world. This is what’s happening with people.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: And we don’t talk about it enough, at all.

 

Susan Bratton: Women talk about it amongst themselves, and what they say is, “I want to want him, but I don’t.” And when men talk to me about it, they say, “I’ve tried everything, and I can’t get her to ever initiate lovemaking with me, I can’t. She just doesn’t seem to want me anymore. All she cares about is the kids, she’s getting all her affection from the children.” These are very common memes, if you will, monogamy memes.

 

[0:05:02]

 

So, we took all these classes and we learned so many things. We learned bedroom communication techniques, we learned how to understand how to meet each other’s needs in a relationship. And we understood—we learned actual anatomy and pleasuring skills. And we started having an incredible sex life together. It literally, not only turned our sex life around, but made it better than those first passionate months when we met and fell in love with each other.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Why do you think people are so afraid to talk about this? Because you would think that in this day and age, with social media and technology, and it’s so easy to get access to information, like you said, people talk about it in private, or they think about it individually, or they research it individually, but why is it still so hard for us to talk about this out in the open socially? It still seems so socially unacceptable, but it’s such a huge issue that everyone’s facing.

 

Susan Bratton: Well, more and more people are talking about it. In the category of Good News, people are getting better at having conversations about sex. But the origins of it are, number one, we don’t really get a sex education, we get a procreation education, or a “How to not procreate” education, right?

 

We get a safe—we get a contraception education. That’s about it. And our parents don’t talk to us for two reasons. Number one, they don’t know. And number two, when they try to talk to us, we roll our eyes and like “Oh god, I don’t want to talk to you about this!” So, that’s not going to happen. And I’d say the third thing is that there is a lot of, not only societal repression around sexuality, but religious repression.

 

And of course, sprinkle in all of the abuse that happens, because people don’t have information and knowledge. And so, so many of us have been scarred with shame around our genitals, we’ve never had a word for it, we don’t know how to talk about it, we don’t have any experience with it. And then, add into that the fact that, unfortunately, adult programming is so prevalent now, that people are getting “their technique” from adult programming, which is complete fantasy, primarily degrading to women.

 

And so, we’ve gone off on this pretty negative trajectory around intimacy and connection. So, there’s just the blind leading the blind, nobody knows anything. Add to that embarrassment, shame, etcetera, and nobody wants to talk.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Yeah, I think it’s a huge issue.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: Yeah, you go through that list, and I could check off a few of them, right?

 

Susan Bratton: Everybody can.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: And I think that’s something that’s good for our listeners to understand. It’s like this isn’t just you.

 

Susan Bratton: You’re not alone. You are not alone.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: This is everybody, yeah. I was raised in a Mormon religion, so there was a lot of shame around sex. It’s like you only have sex to procreate, and that’s it. There was no passion around it, there was nothing. And so, you have that, and then you start stacking up different things on top of it, and all of these different experiences.

 

Susan Bratton: Add body shame in.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: Absolutely.

 

Susan Bratton: Especially for women. We are talking about libido, and one of the fundamental things about libido is that, as a man, Jonathan, you’re testosterone-driven, and TeriAnn, as a woman, you’re estrogen-driven, and they make us wildly different in good ways and in ways that confound each other. So, we’re—we come to our connection from different perspectives.

 

One of the best things that I do, I have a program that I created for men in relationships to understand how to lead their partner to her sexual potential. It’s called “Revive Her Drive.” Because they’re like “Well, it used to be great when we first got together. What happened? I’ve tried everything.” And that’s because they just do—they do to her what they want her to do to them because that’s what they know.

 

And so, when a guy is kind of grabbing at you and you’re thinking to yourself, “Where’s the foreplay here? Why are you just grabbing me?” That’s because that’s what he wants you to do to him. He wants you to just grab right onto him and pull him closer. So, once you teach a man how to approach a woman the way estrogen needs to be approached, then all of a sudden, everything breaks open for the two of them.

 

And what I love is that I say to the guys that go through that program, I teach them about women and how to approach women and how to love them and hold them and respect them and worship the Goddess, right?

 

And once they get over being really, really angry, most men are so angry and frustrated, I say, “You’ve got to let that go. It wasn’t her fault, it wasn’t your fault, you didn’t know, and now, here’s what to do. She’s not going to initiate sex. First of all, we’re not culturally oriented toward initiation, and secondly, it’s not estrogen’s job, it’s testosterone’s job to do that.”

 

“And so, that’s what you do, but let me tell you 20 ways to do it that make it really great. And then you start trying those and you see her respond, and then that builds on itself, and then you kind of get over that anger and you see that it’s going well. But then there are all these backsliding, because we’re so ingrained in our habits. So, you have to, as the man, hold the container for the woman to develop into her sexual potential. You have to create the safe space for her and hold that frame for her and encourage her.”

 

[0:10:02]

 

Estrogen needs a lot of encouragement, which is why a woman having a mentor in business, a male mentor, is always a really nice match, because he’ll encourage her to step into her power. It’s just amazing how much we are hormonally-driven, which brings us to libido and sex drive.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Yeah, let me ask you a random question that popped into my head.

 

Susan Bratton: Sure.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Do you ever see, and I know you’ve had a lot of experience working with a lot of people, do you ever see, in any relationships, the roles reversed?

 

Susan Bratton: Yes.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: And what happens there? And do you try to switch it back, or are there some relationships where it works where it’s reversed? What are your thoughts on that?

 

Susan Bratton: Yeah, and especially because one of the things you read when you read my bio was that I embraced the gender spectrum. So, if you look at sexuality, and I’ve worked with thousands of people for almost 15 years now, thousands of people a year, I am—I’m not a psychiatrist or a psychotherapist. My title is Trusted Hot Sex Advisor to Millions.

 

I am what you would call the plus up, not the fixer, but the person who shows you bedroom techniques and communication skills and how to have the sexual health, the vitality, the natural libido that pours from you and makes you desire your intimacy. And when, when I do that, I’m not really fixing things, but what I find with people is that every sexual issue, question, problem, what have you, is a big bell curve.

 

So, there are people at this end and this end that are the minorities, but the general majority is heterosexual, monogamous, masculine/feminine, but there are people where there are reversals. And it doesn’t matter if it works for both people if there’s what is called polarity. And that’s the masculine/feminine magnetic attraction of opposites. So, if he is the more feminine and she is the more masculine, it can definitely work, as long as, even people of the same gender, hold that masculine/feminine polarity or frame in their relationship.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Yeah, makes sense. One other question before we really get into libido.

 

Susan Bratton: Yeah?

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: What, and I know you said you’re giving techniques, you’re teaching people how to get into that space more, but when you’ve seen people come into the space of like “Okay, I’m ready to learn more. I want to learn more. I want to get to that space,” how have you seen people get over their mental block, their own mental block, their own constructs, their own—they put themselves in these boxes?

 

We talked about religion, we talked about education, we talked about society and how we grew up perceiving sex. And how do you typically see people get over themselves? Like “Get over yourself and really be open to this.” How do—what are some suggestions you would give to people? Because I think there’s going to be a lot of people who are like “Okay, I’m listening. I hear what you guys are talking about, but I’m afraid to even dive into this topic.” What would you say to people who are thinking that or feel that?

 

Susan Bratton: Education is number one. Just do a lot of reading to find the things that are “Oh, that’s the right thing for me.” When people follow my email newsletter, they get so many different pieces of information from me. We talk about everything from—you have a show coming up on intermittent fasting.

 

I talk about the benefits of fasting for your body. All the way to specific lovemaking positions that you can try. I have a technique called “The Soulmate Embrace.” And that is one where, instead of trying to go from 0 to 100 miles an hour in your intimacy, start with the real foundations, like resetting your polarity.

 

If you’re platonic and you’re raising your kids and you’re running around and you’re too busy for intimacy, why not just start by holding each other again? Holding and being held sets that polarity in. The Soulmate Embrace is a technique that is a long, slow, melting hug that increases oxytocin, lowers stress, drops your cortisol levels so you can make more hormones, and it bonds a couple closer together, and then it resets that polarity.

 

It’s too often, people think, “Oh, I should just have this spontaneous desire. It should just be like when we first met. And if it’s not that, I don’t want to plan to have an intimate date with my partner, because then it takes out all that spontaneity.”

 

When in fact, having something to look forward to, to text each other, having set aside a couple of hours when you’ve given yourself some space, making sure that the room is set up well, it’s the right temperature, the lighting is nice, and makes you feel pretty as a woman, that’s very important, because estrogen is also very critical of itself. It sees everything wrong in the picture. You know how a guy can walk in and he can be like “Oh, everything’s totally fine?” And the girl’s like “No, this needs to be fixed, you’ve got to move that thing over there, blah-blah-blah,” right?

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: It’s so true.

 

Susan Bratton: We do that in bed.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: So true.

 

Susan Bratton: And so, for the masculine, his job is to help the feminine get out of her mind and into her body. Our bodies are a temple, they are sacred. We can have sacred sexuality if we can connect at that level of intimacy, pleasure, limbic connections, soul connection, looking in each other’s eyes, syncopating our heartbeats, slowing our breath.

 

[0:15:11]

 

So, so much of what needs to get put into place, that men don’t understand, that women need so much, are things like the environment, what I call “Setting the Lover’s Space,” having water, some strawberries and grapes, organic lube I always recommend. If you wouldn’t put it in your mouth, you wouldn’t put it in your genital area, because your body absorbs all of those toxins.

 

I mean you stand for organic as a brand, which is what I love about your entire product line, and I’m such a champion of what you’re doing, and I have been forever talking about buy organic coconut oil, organic sweet almond oil, and use those, and use lots of lubrication. If it hurts a woman, she’s not going to want to keep going.

 

So, you have to make—you have to put in place all these little things, and hold her, and stroke her, and calm her down. A lot of men think that getting you going is getting you aroused, is turning you on, is taking you higher, is stimulating you. But what they don’t understand is that, for women, we actually need to be relaxed first, and then we’ll move into our arousal. Because arousal and pleasure are actually the toggling of the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. You can’t just “Boom, boom, boom, boom,” drive her. That’s testosterone. Testosterone is “Full speed ahead!” But estrogen is like “Doodily-do, doodily-do, do, do.”

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Totally different worlds. Yeah.

 

Susan Bratton: So, he has to kind of ebb and flow and take her on this slow stairstep up her turn-on. And if he takes her nervous system over, and he understands how to get her slowly warmed up—this is why—guys do know, “Foreplay should be 20 minutes long.” And that’s partially because it takes that long for our blood to flow, to bring blood flow to our genitals so that we can actually feel more sensation.

 

So, the couples that rush sex, that they go to intercourse very quickly, where she wants to get it over with, every time she does that, her body holds a grudge. Every time she doesn’t give herself as much space and time as is needed to really be thoroughly engorged and turned on, she has as much erectile tissue in her genitals as he does, she’s got an innie and he’s got an outie.

 

And so, though it looks like he gets turned on rapidly, he doesn’t. That’s just the tip of his iceberg. He’s got a lot of that tissue inside that he hasn’t let get fully engorged with blood. So, this slowing down does so many things. It’s the touch of oxytocin, it’s the engorgement of our genitals, it’s the reconnection with each other, it’s the polarity that gets set in, those kinds of things. Women need full body touching and stroking, they need their entire proprioceptive grid of cells really smoothed and touched and loved. Very, very important, simple things can make a huge difference for couples.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Yeah, well, and it goes back to my question earlier, like just you going through some of those things, how many people don’t even know just those things you’ve educated us on?

 

Susan Bratton: 94 percent.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Yeah. Exactly.

 

Susan Bratton: Tons and lots.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Because, like you said, sex education is procreation, but it’s nothing beyond that. And you always hear these questions of like “We’re so unhappy in our marriage with intimacy, we’re so unhappy, unhappy, unhappy,” and they’re always—you said finances and that. And a lot of times, it is driven from that.

 

It is fascinating, just in listening to you talk about that, when I asked you the question, “How do people get over themselves?” It’s like “Did you even know that?” No, most people don’t. I know I learned things there that I had no idea about, and I think that education is so critical, and people need to stop being afraid of the education and talking about it. I think most people, like feel themselves kind of like “Oh, we can’t talk about this.” But you can. I think you have to open and be receptive to that. I think it’s really critical.

 

Susan Bratton: Can I give you a communication technique right now? Can I just drop—

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Yeah, go for it.

 

Susan Bratton: —drop a great, one of my best sex techniques of my career on you right now?

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: Please do.

 

Susan Bratton: Okay, good. So, it’s called The Sexual Soulmate Pact, and you can get it at SexualSoulmatePact.com. It’s P-A-C-T, like an agreement. And we’ve been talking a lot about hormones and how the affect our libido, but they are not all of libido. Your libido is so much more than hormones.

 

[0:19:58]

 

You need good hormones to have a libido, but that’s only a small amount of it. And it’s all of these touch techniques, and calming your nervous system, and feeling safe, and your other areas of your relationship being met and supported, that are also a big part of your sex drive, what makes you want to be with a person.

 

That’s beyond libido, that’s actually your interest in sex, not just the fact that you feel like having sex, but that you actually take action and want sex. That’s a little bit of the distinction of libido and sex drive. And that’s because, at our core, we are animals. We are in the family of whales and dolphins and tigers and lions and horses and cows.

 

We’re part of the animal kingdom, though we love to think we’re superior. We are not. We’re run by our hormones and by our blood sugar, and by how much sleep we got, and how many endotoxins we have, and the inflammation levels, and all of the things you talk about on your show. They are a big part of what makes us interested or not interested in having intimacy.

 

So, when we think about it and we say, “Okay, well we are animals,” and especially women, we have more hormonal cycling. We are moon goddesses. We ebb and flow with the month and the moon, we have our monthly cycles. And even after menopause, even though perimenopause and beyond menopause, our hormones still cycle, we just don’t pop out an egg. That’s all that’s the difference.

 

So, because of that, what worked for us yesterday may not necessarily be what we want today. It depends on where we are in our cycles as to what kind of intimate touch we want. We might want firmer pressure or lighter pressure. We want more time being held, or we just want to be ravished by you.

 

Some days, we’re a kitty cat, and other days, we’re a lioness. And for guys, that’s a little confounding because they are hormonally-cyclical, they wake up with their morning wood, they’ve got their testosterone peak in the morning, which is one of the reasons why guys love morning sex, where it’s not as interesting for many women, because they’re like “Oh my gosh, I’ve got to get up and get on an hour’s worth of hair and makeup, dude.”

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: And take the kids and run everywhere.

 

Susan Bratton: Exactly, and you wake up—

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: It’s so busy, and you think about what’s happening that day, yeah.

 

Susan Bratton: You wake up with your list. So, once you and your partner understand that, your animal body really runs you, then you say “Okay, how about if we have this agreement where every time we’re intimate, I’ll tell you all the things my body is telling me she needs, so I can clue you in so you can be a winner in the bedroom with me.”

 

A lot of women are very afraid to give their partner any kind of course correction, because in the past, it’s hurt his feelings, he’s contracted, he’s shut her down, he’s said, “I know,” in his own ego. Because testosterone thinks it knows what it’s doing. God loved testosterone. That’s how come we win wars and build skyscrapers, right? Because testosterone thinks it knows more than it does, and that’s okay. That’s how come it also never asks for directions, it thinks it knows how to get there, right?

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: That’s so true, yeah.

 

Susan Bratton: So, men are ruled by their hormones the same as we women are. So, once a couple acknowledges, “Okay, right, you’re different every day, so why don’t you just clue me in?” And then there’s a second part to the Sexual Soulmate Pact, which goes beyond the agreement that we’re animals and the woman is particularly cyclical, but that also men want different things on different days.

 

And men like a lot of variety, as women do, too. The killer for monogamy is boredom. That’s what makes it bad. And that’s a lack of technique and a lack of skill. So, doing more different kinds of things is fun, but if you can’t even talk about it, you can’t get to that point. So, having this foundation of the Sexual Soulmate Pact technique, the agreement between you and your partner, is huge.

 

And what you do, and this is the part that is really hard for some guys, really hard. They chafe at the yoke of this in a way. They don’t like it; they think it’s making them less masculine. Until they realize it’s actually putting them in a place of power. It dawns on them after a few trial periods. And this is the trick. This is the real trick to this technique.

 

And that is that when she blurts out any course corrections, and you can go both ways with this, of course, but this is very masculine/feminine, when she blurts out “Go harder,” “Go slower,” “Oh, you’re on my hair,” whatever she’s needing to say, and the only thing he does to respond is, “Okay, baby,” or “Got it,” or “Is this better?” or “Thank you.” When he thanks her, some guys think, “Oh, if I thank her, it makes it sound like I’m just like her pool boy or something, like I’m just her whipping stick,” but in fact, what he’s doing when he thanks her is he’s encouraging her to stay in her body and not get out of her body and into her head, to be the good little girl that uses “please” and “thank you.”

 

[0:25:09]

 

She doesn’t use the manners, he does. Because that encourages her, because he’s appreciating and encouraging her to just lay it on him, because he’s man enough to take the course corrections, because he knows it’s not about him or his level of skill, it’s the crazy little kitty cat you live in. And you guys got to team up, not against her, but with her, to find out what kitty wants every single time you make love. And when you start shouting it out and he starts saying, “Thank you, baby,” oh my gosh, you start giving him all the information he finally needed to give you incredible pleasure, which is what he is dying to do for you.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Yeah, very interesting. I think that’s just good in communication overall, though, right?

 

Susan Bratton: Yes.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: It’s just like the concept of communication, but it’s taking it to a much more intimate level.

 

Susan Bratton: Very intimate.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Which they’re so vulnerable, so hard to do, so hard to get outside of your head.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: I’m going to jump in and ask a question here then.

 

Susan Bratton: Yeah? You’ve been very quiet.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: Hey, I’m being careful where I jump in. We have a majority female audience, right?

 

Susan Bratton: Great.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: And they’re listening to this, and they’re saying, “Well, that would be wonderful.” But how do they introduce this to their husbands or boyfriends or men in their life to get this? I mean they want to have better sex; they want to have more intimate love. Just introducing the idea, I would imagine, to their husband or boyfriend could feel like a shot to their ego. So, how do they approach this with the men?

 

Susan Bratton: I love it. Because I write my—I write my e-books, and these are free e-books that I give away, I write—because it takes a long time to trust a sexpert, because there’s a lot of weirdo sexperts out there that do freaky things that are working out their own crazy stuff. My crazy stuff I had to work out with was how do I have hot sex with my husband? And I worked it out really, really well. And we have the best sex we’ve ever had. I’m 57, he’s 55, we’ve been married for 27 years now, and our sex life keeps getting better because we use our own techniques. I write the e-books for men to read, for women to read to explain to men.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Interesting.

 

Susan Bratton: So, when you download it and you print it out, or you send the PDF to your husband or boyfriend, or you go out on date night and you read it together, or you read it in the car together, or you read it over dinner together, or whatever it is, or you leave it under his pillow, whatever you need to do, have him read it so he gets it and follows it, and say, “Could we make this pact? Could we have this pact in our bedroom? Let’s try it.”

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Yeah, very interesting. So, that’s a good segue into talking about how you talk about, how you communicate with one another. We were talking about libido. What are the essential components of having a strong libido, and what makes libido diminish? And let’s talk about that for men and for women.

 

Susan Bratton: Okay, yeah. It’s interesting. A lot of people are so fixated on hormones as the thing that makes libido. Well, libido is how healthy is your sexual desire? We are born sexual and we die sexual, unless it gets pushed down by outside forces. And the outside forces are the things we talked about earlier, repression, shaming, lack of knowledge, ignorance, fear, what have you.

 

So, your libido is thrumming through your body. Your libido is also your creativity, it is your vitality, and it is your general health, which is why giving yourself libido supplements—I have your product sitting here in front of me because I love your formulations, there’s E-Plexx and T-Plexx. So, supporting your libido is both feeding it with the precursors that are necessary for you to generate your hormones, that’s a big part of it.

 

But it’s also, I think, in a way, every time you pop that supplement in your body, you’re doing an—you’re setting an intention to put focus and energy into your libido. And there is as much about your intention as there is about your physical health. You can throw it in and not think about it, or you can take that and set a little intention that you’re caring for and nurturing for the sexuality that is your divine right as a human being on this planet, to have the intimacy and connection that we all deserve to have.

 

So, if it got messed up along the way, you can absolutely get it back. You can go from having had a lot of trauma to being a whole person once again. So, libido is partly what’s happening in your body, and partly the spirit in you that wants to have that connection. And if you want to have that, looking for what the roadblocks are to your connection and figuring out how to compromise, work around, solve them, fix them, whatever it might be. So, it’s that kind of focus that is a big part of having a good libido.

 

[0:30:02]

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Interesting. And so, you talk about supplementation and using that to help when it comes to libido. What are your thoughts around it? What are things that, obviously, you are recommending to people who are following you? I would say supplementation and techniques and all of those different things, but let’s talk specifically about—you’ve talked a lot about techniques, different ways, read, educate yourself, understand what you’re doing. What do you say when it comes to supplementation and what do you tell people who follow you regarding supplementation when it comes to libido?

 

Susan Bratton: There are a couple of things. The first is that I really like botanicals, similar to your formulations, where you’re putting a lot of herbs and plant medicine into your supplements. There are a lot of things that—adaptogens, such as ashwaganda, that are really, really good for moderating and modulating your hormonal production.

 

There are things like maca and cacao that have polyphenols and support libido. You have the maca in your products, which is really good. There are also things like—products that support blood flow. So, blood flow is so much of the physical pleasure of sex. If you have diabetes, for example, and you have neuropathies, you begin to lose sensation.

 

When you age and your genitals atrophy, as a natural part of aging, we are atrophying all the time. So, the tissue in our genitals starts to atrophy. We feel less sensation. So, using things like citrulline, I really like citrulline, citrulline malleate, getting nitric oxide precursors into your body, as well as nitrates from food, like arugula, cabbage, dill, beets.

 

These are high nitrates, which is not a bad thing, that’s not the stuff in bacon that’s bad for you, that’s the nitrates that are the precursors to nitric oxide, that help you generate that blood flow. You get that [whooshing sound] pop of blood flow. And our nitric oxide diminishes as we age as well. So, that’s how Viagra and things like that work.

 

They keep the blood flow and the nitric oxide working in your system for a longer time so you can achieve blood flow. And blood flow is as important for women as it is for men. We started out talking about “She’s an innie and he’s an outie.” But you have the same amount of erectile material in your genitals. So, you know how we’re all really aware of this massive increase in erectile dysfunction in the world today, and we’re hearing these—

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Hear about it all the time.

 

Susan Bratton: Men as young as 20 are having ED because of eating the SAD, standard American diet, and eating packaged foods, and not eating organic foods, and getting all the glyphosates. You know. This is your jam, right? I’m speaking to the choir here. And that’s ruining their blood flow, their hormonal production, and all of those things.

 

It’s taking them down physically. But what you don’t hear about, and I think this is going to come more and more into the news as people understand that we have the same amount of erectile tissue, is if all these guys are having these problems with getting an erection because they have health issues, women are eating the same thing, they just can’t see it because they have an innie, not an outie.

 

So, why is there so much anorgasmia? Why are women struggling to achieve climax in intercourse and through lovemaking? Because they’re having the same exact problems. So, eating organic food. Circulation, getting out there, going for your walks. You don’t have to do marathons, like Jonathan does. But getting out there and getting your blood pumping. Those kinds of things are the things—it’s nutrition and blood flow that really—good cardiovascular health that keep your genitals in good working order so you can feel more pleasure together.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Yeah, so interesting, and it really is so important for our audience and the people who are listening, because we do talk about this all the time. When people are coming up against serious health issues that we’re facing, we’ve talked about sleep, Alzheimer’s, dementia, I mean the list just goes on, just recent things that come to mind. People frequently run to their doctor and they’re like “Give me a prescription for this.” And it’s like “Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

 

Susan Bratton: What’d you have for breakfast?

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: What did you eat for breakfast?

 

Susan Bratton: Did you go for a walk today?

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: How much did you sleep last night? We just did a podcast on sleep.

 

Susan Bratton: I heard you.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: How much did you sleep? All of these things that you can do for your body. And I love that you talk about for men, it’s very apparent that they’re having issues, but for women, they don’t even know that they’re having issues sometimes, because it’s just not readily there and apparent to you from the way our anatomy is made up. And so, I just think it’s so important that you drove that point home, and I love that you’re behind that, because it is so true.

 

[0:35:01]

 

What are you putting in your body? What are you putting on your body? You talked about organic lube, and I think that is something people don’t consciously think about. I mean just a few podcasts ago, we talked about the lotions and the cosmetics that you’re putting on your body, and how that seeps into your body through your skin.

 

Susan Bratton: Your skin’s your largest organ.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Yes.

 

Susan Bratton: It’s sucking everything up. Your vaginal mucosa is a sponge. It actually—one of the things that’s interesting about it is that a man’s semen is very healthy for a woman. It regulates, it has luteinizing hormone, it regulates her cycle.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Interesting.

 

Susan Bratton: He gives her serotonin. He gives her testosterone, which gives her more courage and lowers her anxiety. He gives her zinc and other minerals that help her clear brain fog. So, I always recommend to women to look into Fertility Awareness Method, which is—like a Daisy tracker, so that you know your six fertile days so you can abstain or use a latex-free condom during those times, or a non-hormonal IUD, so you can get off the pill, which is ruining your endocrine system, which is the system that makes your hormones. So, being able to actually have that fluid-bonded relationship while maintaining your contraception is extremely healthy for women.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Yeah, well, and the whole point to drive home here is that your health is critical for intimacy and what you’re doing. And I just don’t think people put the two together. That’s why we try to bring awareness on this podcast to health issues and what you can do naturally to improve your health. But it’s so important, when it comes to this conversation, that your health equals better intimacy, equals a better sex life, because all these issues that people are facing are coming from “What are you putting in your body? How much are you sleeping?” Supplementation, physical exercise, all of those things.

 

I really don’t think people make that connection. Ever, really. I don’t. And so, I think that’s a really important point to drive home. Libido, sexual health, intimacy, all of that comes from a healthy body. And then, it goes into the techniques and the healthy mind and the things that you can really do to overcome the mental barrier of it all. Super fascinating. Super fascinating conversation. I’ve learned so much just listening to you today.

 

Susan Bratton: That makes me happy.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Yes, it makes me happy, too, and I think it’s—I think it’s a point to drive home for people who are listening today, you just don’t know until you know. And you’ve got to do your homework and put the time behind it and really understand it. When you talked about your marriage in the beginning, and it suffering, and you’re seeing all of your friends go through the cycle of divorce and divorce and divorce and divorce, finances and intimacy being some of the biggest issues, it’s really a health issue when it comes to the intimacy side of that, right?

 

At the very basis of it. And then a mental and emotional issue as well. But if you get your health right, and then mentally and emotionally, you can wrap your head around it, think about how much this would improve for people around the world. And then having that conversation, which is the mission that you’re on. I love it so much. It’s such a beautiful mission, for sure.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: Yeah, I mean I’m in agreement. I love the conversation of getting your body healthy. But I think, I’m not going to say it’s more important, but it definitely hits home more for me, and that’s the communication aspect of it. And I think that’s the lack of that’s happening out there. And the way that you presented it, I mean men have big egos, right?

 

And so, they don’t want to be told what to do or that they’re doing it wrong, or be offended, or all of a sudden, they feel like they’re less of a man, or they can’t please their woman because she’s having to tell them how to do it, all of this other crap that comes up in our head. Whereas you hit the nail on the head earlier, like all we want to do is please you, right? And so, we don’t always know how. You’re sitting there talking about being cyclical, and one day it’s this, and one day it’s that, and I’m like “How the hell am I supposed to know?”

 

Susan Bratton: You can’t.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: And that’s the answer, right?

 

Susan Bratton: Nor should you be expected to.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: And I appreciate that answer even more. And that’s just it. It’s the communication, to me, is—I think is the biggest thing. Like obviously, the health side of it needs to be there to be able to perform, and to even be able to be healthy enough to have sex, to be able to orgasm, to be able to have the blood flow. But I think the biggest thing really missing is that communication aspect of it. And that’s why I love we’re talking about it. So, Susan, tell us some places that our audience can go and get your free e-books, get the e-books that they need to give to their husbands, all of that good stuff.

 

Susan Bratton: Yeah, it’s funny, too, because a lot of times, I say, when I’m talking just to women, I say, “Look, would you like to have my husband training program,” or “my boyfriend training program?” They’re like “Oh my goodness, yes, I would like to have that.” But I never say that to guys because they don’t think they want to be trained.

 

But if you said it to a guy, like “How would you like to know, how would you like to have the map to her pleasure? How would you like her to be able to tell you exactly what she wants in every moment so you were totally clued in, and then you could begin, over time, to see the patterns of the kinds of things that give her pleasure?” They would say, “I absolutely want that.”

 

[0:40:06]

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Yeah, for sure.

 

Susan Bratton: So, there’s two places to go that we talked about for the two techniques. The first is the SexualSoulmatePact.com. That’s the communication technique you can read with your husband or boyfriend. And then the other technique that I gave you a bit of, but I didn’t really tell you how to do it, I just told you that it was a really great beginning to lovemaking, and that’s the Soulmate Embrace.

 

So, if you go to SoulmateEmbrace.com, you can get that. I also have a great email newsletter, and I’m on Instagram, it’s @SusanBratton. And I think my very best work that I’m doing right now, after almost 15 years of being this sex advisor, is on my YouTube channel at BetterLover.com. It takes you right to my YouTube channel, and I’ve got a couple hundred videos, including lots more things exactly like what I just gave you, and even sexier.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: Awesome.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Love it.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: This has been phenomenal. Susan, thank you so much. For those of you listening at home, we have all of the Show Notes, we have the transcripts, we have all of the links to Susan’s websites if you did not write them down while she was talking about them. Just go to EmpoweringYouOrganically.com. Any final words, TeriAnn?

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: No, this has been fantastic. I’m looking forward to talking more.

 

Jonathan Hunsaker: So, thank you, Susan, for joining us. And Susan, we’re going to have you back for a second podcast. So, those of you listening, stay tuned for part 2, coming out soon. Thanks everyone.

 

TeriAnn Trevenen: Thank you everyone.

 

Susan Bratton: Bye!